i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
