I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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