i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Are my feet made of real feet?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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