My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
