so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
