I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
