I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
