yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
