did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
