your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
YAS. BRING CRAB.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
