New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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