I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
