Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
