I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He felt like a one man threesome
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
