I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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