Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you would pick up someone in the library
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
