Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize