woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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