dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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