There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
