I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize