I got chris browned last night
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
