i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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