So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
only if we run a train.
done.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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