Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Blood and glitter go together right?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
as a side note pls kill me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
