Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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