By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
