I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
did you just send me my own nude
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
