i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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