1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
