Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
