it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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