Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize