she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
