I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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