Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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