The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
