The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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