my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
