the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
