Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
