Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
