Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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