so that wasnt chicken after all
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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