last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
