Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
