fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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