Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
