Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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