the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
