Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Ketchup is God's man juice
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
