so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
