mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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