There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
