Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
