My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
