K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
