In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
