turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
