Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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