somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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