apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
