Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
