You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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