It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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