Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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