allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize