we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
