A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
