never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
