my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
