Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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