I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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