i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
