I'm lost and stupid without you.
...so i touched it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
