I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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