I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize