Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
