He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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