I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
