We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
