rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
