I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
