Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
