Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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