i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize