im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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